Seventy Three: A Psalm Reconsidered
Written Saturday, July 23, 2016Even in light of my intimate knowledge of the goodness of God toward His people,
Even in that knowledge, I have stumbled.
I have headed down the slippery slopes of envy and my own sense of justice,
My own arrogant sense of what a person's priorities should be.
When I observe the laying up of treasures with which the well off are occupied -
Look at their fat bodies, their carefully maintained hair and teeth.
In my own pride-filled judgment I suss out their satisfied smirk -
At the success in financial planning, at their career fame.
They wear the harm they do those in need like a diamond brooch.
Observe - they do not suffer like the widows and orphans,
Therefore they lay the blame for suffering at the feet of it's victims.
Idle fancies and fantasies pour forth from their hearts.
Further oppression of those beneath them is maliciously threatened.
They drown out the truth from God with their endless babble about nothing
Tragically, God's beloved turns and begins to believe their words are worthy.
Surely God is no longer in charge, surely they are right and He is no longer paying attention.
Looking at their easy life, their great bounty,
Now I start to think my striving for doing right in my thoughts and actions is a waste of time,
All I net is abuse and hardship.
But no! I will not give in to these vain wanderings!
Can you imagine how damaging my failed faith would be to those in a pre-Christian state?
I must stand firm with God's aid.
Still - to try to understand the way things are gives me a headache.
And then I came into your Sanctuary -
That beautiful place of peace -
And wisdom and clear thinking take over as I see a bigger picture.
I see in the end that their walls of wealth and privilege weaken them,
Saw how tenuous really, was the hold they had on things.
How filled with terror they are just beneath that well oiled surface.
They are but phantoms in Your eyes, their dream instantly transformed into a nightmare when seen through the stained glass windows of your Holy Sanctuary.
I am ashamed now -
I see I struck out at you like a wounded animal when I allowed the bitterness to overtake me.
But who is this - still by my side?
Who holds my hand and gently guides me?
And when it is all over, whose arms will be open wide,
Ready to take me in to the glory of Your kingdom?
Now I remember - You are the sum total of my desire for all my life and beyond.
You are my reward forever.